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Fruit and Greens Salad: a nutritionally dense and delicious arrangement of lovely things that should taste way worse but doesn’t.

Fruit and Greens Salad:

a nutritionally dense and delicious arrangement of lovely things that should taste way worse but doesn’t.

1 each chopped apple, pear, orange, and ripe mango

1 cup each of chopped honeydew

1/2 cup each of pineapple and green grapes

1 chopped banana

half a head of lacinato kale, cut into thin shreds - *see prep notes*

1/2 cup of thinly shredded rainbow chard

1/2 cup of sprouted quinoa (optional, but delicious!)

1/4 cup dry medium coconut shreds

1/8 cup each of sunflower, pumpkin, and hemp seeds

agave nectar

tsp of fresh, finely grated ginger

black sesame

pinch of cloves

pinch of cardomam

to make the kale so lovely- “wilt” it. Toss the kale leaves (no stems!) in a tbsp of lemon juice and a drizzle of agave nectar, and let it sit while you chop up the rest of the ingredients. When it is uniformly a deeper green, add it to the ingredients as listed above, and finish with a sprinkle of black sesame. Makes at least 8 generous servings. 


My Body Modification: It isn’t for your benefit anyway. A controlled rant by David Isbister.

Recently, I have been getting online “feedback,” let’s call it- about my modifications. In person, I have heard it roundabout ways such as, “Oh wow, it turns out you are actually a nice guy. I thought maybe you were just a crazy freaky type,” or things of that nature. I am writing this note to address the series of stupid, judgemental things that some people think it’s cool to say, that I have ALWAYS heard about many groups- races, genders, lifestyle types. At the very core of this is me not really giving a shit about what some random douche commenting on a Corey Hart cover I did a few years back with a whole other band, but rather - my experience with how we are so open, connected and liberated- but more empowered to be crass, elitist, and judgemental. People who live on the internet as an aggressive troll can all go poop in their own mouths and eyes and all over their hands so it makes more sense that all they spew is troll feces and shit mouth.

First and foremost, shut up about when I am 80. When I am 80, it’s asserted constantly that I will have the balance of my life to regret and admonish myself for the terrible choice I have made to modify. By then, I will have scraped the depths of my soul, lived through countless struggle and hardship, will be trying to keep my wits about me, and likely will be struggling with health iussues to some degree. Society will likely ignore me for the most part anyway, if current youth and celebrity worship ardour remains as gross and intense. My stretched ears or scalpelled labret will be only a small part of that LONG story, and I doubt that something I have been tending to and dedicated to since I was 16 will fade so easily with one big epiphany. If this illogically occurring epiphany happens while I STILL have the faculties of mind and health, then I will stop, and address that then. See, like other people, I have resolved to live with my choices and address my errors with what I have at the time, and with the time I have left. To lament what I did in my past for a reason other than to progress forward would be far more stupid then just getting a tattoo anyway. Even still, if I can get a boner, not break my hip, avoid self-soiling, and still flirt with some fly gals at the nursing home, I probably won’t care that there is a hole in my face or some blurry ink on my neck. Oh, and probably a whole bunch of my old-ass homies will look some degree of modified as well. Hopefully those who issued former predjudices that didn’t modify (which is totally fine, it isn’t up to me) will have had their lifetime to reassess their position and we can all live in harmony. But right now, at a vibrant and young 32, I am looking just toward getting there in FIFTY YEARS.

Did you get that? My perspective is MINE, it’s not yours. It doesn’t have to match, even part way- to be valid. I know about dedication and discipline in many forms, and Modification is one of them. I promise, my choices on this were and continue to be from a rigid thought process about how I wish to appear and how I am to be perceived. YOU may think that I am bereft of morality or logic, but I’d say that trolling against some random guy trying to make a living and help some people out is far more suspect than that same stranger’s personal style or choices with the body they are the sole owner of.

I own my body. It was the one I was born with, and my parents and I grew it. I put it through hell early on with injuries, binges, an eating disorder, and have had it struggle to oppress me through a severe case of a chronic rheumatoid condition called Ankylosing Spondylitis. WIth my own strength, I shit kicked those things, learned, adapted, attempted to locate and inspire others, and I am proud of that. The art and modifications I wear are FOR ME, and are a celebration of a humble triumph. It’s a “humble” triumph because it leaves room for more of that pain and hardship, and helps me to accept the future, because I have accepted the past. It is me claiming ownership of those stories and events and immortalizing them. I am aware that everyone does this differently, this is how I do it. FOR ME. SINCE IT’S MINE, AND I OWN IT.

“Well, (stretched ears and body mods, tattoos) that isn’t new. It’s not like you thought of it.”

Well guess what, Spanky? Neither is your interpretation of what “normal” should look like. I could argue that my “normal” originated far earlier than yours, has been maintained as a tradition on nearly all continents, old world and new, for a few thousand years longer. It doesn’t mean my choice will be right for you but it certainly doesn’t mean yours is correct for me either. I never claimed to invent these modifications. I was just walking around and then that was said to me. 

Like many people with modifications OR NOT, I am not afraid of displaying what I feel, who I am, and I am most certainly not afraid of the perception of my appearance, because I have pride in who I am and what I do. I expect that someone who tries to dig deeper than something relatively superficial (except to me) that I display will realize that like all these other people- I am just another person.  Many times my modifications have been a benefit to me, allowing me to easily identify who is judgemental and intolerant- because rarely does that attitude stop at prejudice against appearence. It’s often a pathology in my view, and being willing to say it before you know the person again only serves to make you look stupid, unyielding, and petty.

“Why would you even do that to yourself. That’s fucked up.” 

Why WOULDN’T you do that? You look lame and boring and I immediately don’t like you. Since you can’t fathom my logic, why should I condescend to understand yours? Wait- I should probably just be quiet until I realize if you are more than just a set of khakis and an ill fitting Le Chateau dress shirt. Because on a day when you knew in your heart and with every fibre of your being that you are more than just a set of khakis and an ill fitting Le Chateau dress shirt, I am going to reduce you to what I initially see- a total loser douchebag who can’t dress themselves. Or wait….is that kind, and open? Are you more than just a nuance to what you display? You are? Weird. Because I am as well. 

My body is the only thing I own. I have treated it poorly here and there in the past, but overall, I have honoured its willingness to carry me all around to the places I am me at. Like lots of things we all own, we customize so that the surroundings feel like us. So it feels familiar, inspiring, and reflects our perspective. If you can discount an effort like mine or anyone else’s in any other realm with one wave of your most dismissive hand, then I would bet on you needing more of those lessons themselves.

Yes, people make stupid decisions with Modification. I have seen some stuff that I have troubles not being crass about. But people make other brutal mistakes with stuff you can’t see- reliability, honesty, work ethic, relationship history, substances, and so on. Aren’t those factors more important? Isn’t someone’s worth and morality more than the sum of their physical appearance? We say it’s true, but if you are a woman, man, older, younger, bigger, smaller, - whatever- someone is lurking to emit an unwanted judgement about you.

“I’d hate to [be] the lead singer when he finalizes (sic) that the giant hoops in his ear lobes aren’t cool on an old man and he needs plastic surgery to correct his foolish mistake.” 

Well, that’s cool. I’d hate to be this person’s spell check program. :D

So I stay stop all that. 

Love, Kindness,

David

SUPER LEGIT Vegan Coconut Macaroons (made in heaven by angels, the recipe whispered into David’s ear as he slept.)

That thing I just said about these macaroons isn’t true. Or is it? Make these and they’ll make you…a believer. Super quick, extra easy! Preheat your oven to 350F/178C, and get moving. You’ll be eating these soon. You’ll need:

3 cups of UNSWEETENED medium shredded coconut

3/4 cup flour

1 cup of natural cane sugar.
(for this recipe, I use dehydrated natural cane juice coarse granules found in the indian food aisles and markets that is usually quite cheap!)

1/2 cup of vanilla or original Almond Milk
2 tbsp brown rice syrup

2 tbsp melted Earth Balance spread
*or substitute  the same amount of solid coconut cream or oil

2 tsp vanilla extract

1 tsp salt

Combine wet ingredients, sugar and salt. Stir in the coconut, and let it sit for 10 minutes. Slowly stir in the flour until a thick and well mixed dough forms. To ensure it blends well, use a large spatula, wood spoon or good ol’ your hands.
On a greased or parchment lined cookie sheet, pile the dough in a tapered shape with a diameter just over an inch by about an inch and a half or so tall.  Bake for 10 to 12 minutes, or until lightly browned on the top and edges. This recipe makes about two dozen, so feel free to octuple it. Let cool and devour.


HIT and SHITS, part THREE! (last big one tmrw :D)

HIT!! HIT!! HIT!!

FOOD and FRIENDS. The many new friends I met this year and learned the stories of, particularly at the Secret Suppers I hosted, as well as those I got to know better just from tossing them a little food! I was MEGA FUN to feed you all, and hear your passions. Landon showed up to almost every one and ate like a boss, and since he already had fabulous taste, he enjoys a few more veg/vegan establishments now. Jamie Ruschienski is a dude I already knew from his work with his twin brother on cancer fundraising, and I loved getting to know him and the group of friends better. Glenn and Joanne came and enjoyed food while I secretly wished I could scurry away and raid their store Nice Shoes for some fine-ass footwear. There are so many to mention, but I enjoyed getting to know Carmen, Susan, Cathryn, Tim, Kim, Darren, Jordan, Lou, and many many more, as well as reconnecting and deepening connections with Andy, my landlords Shaun and Lisa, my neighbours (Riley and Corvis families especially) and my band mate and friend Alan Calimbas. I look forward to feeding you and playing for you all in 2013.  

..shit… shit… shit…

CONTINUED, CASUAL USE OF HATE SPEECH. So many people say they are angered by political correctness, and they don’t feel its relevance. Many others loosely toss condemning and words steeped in origins of hatred. To those who doubt a positive effect of respectful language, I ask you to imagine formulating your ideas without the use of marginalizing words. Your argument becomes better, more resolute and necessitates actually thinking it through with more confidence before conveying it. 

There are three main words and one practice that I do not love from people, listed below. These aren’t new just in 2012, I just saw tons of it and heard lots of it, and it sucks. Let’s stop it. I’ll even give some new words to replace these outdated terms, or feel free to tell me yours!

  1. Referring to a negative situation or someone’s negative behaviour as “Gay.” Since we are all just humans, looking for progress toward our goals of becoming our natural self, negatively stereotyping someone or something as “gay” is offensive to those of us who have a gay relative who has struggled, those of us who identify as queer, homosexual, (or really anyone in the lgbt community, of which there are MANY) and should be offensive to the rest of any of us that have had any personal struggle at all. All hardship is the same, no matter who is enduring it. To negatively infuse sexuality into an opinion on an everyday practice or inanimate object should be seen as an affront that unfairly portrays certain expressions of love and sexuality as inferior, in my opinion. Try using actual negatives like “lame,” “stupid,” or calling the behaviour exactly what it is: “When he dances, he looks very free and flamboyant!” Or - “When this guy working in my department goes around me to the other manager to complain, I get super pissed. He is so passive aggressive!” That’s just stating an opinion. When you do this in a way that is conscientious, people must address your issue and not your lame, silly way of stating your disapproval. 

  1. Negatively referring to Males with “female” terminology, referring to cowardly or weak behaviour as “bitch,” “pussy,” or “girly. ” This one especially bugs me, because I have a mother, a step mother, a sister, and a whole family of female relatives who have endured many physical and emotional struggles, and I don’t think any of them are weak. I don’t think their having a vagina or even just identifying as a woman makes them inferior, and I don’t think that of any other women either. To say that a male is a “pussy” because he is less a gender stereotype than he should be, or to dismiss or diminish someone’s efforts with marginalizing terms of gender is essentially saying, “When you do something that offends my narrow view of gender and sexuality, I will reveal even further that my wordview is antiquated and resonates with misogyny.” Alternatives to this usage is easy. Same as number one. Just state what you feel and how you percieve the person’s behaviour: “When Manny wouldn’t take the tackle and instead went down easy, I felt like he wasn’t willing to make a sacrifice for the team. I play hard and believe in us, and believe that it takes a sacrifice to be an effective competitor. I think we should say this to him straight up.” Or: “Dude, quit being a jerk. You’ve been nagging me about something I can’t do anything about.” 
  2. Referring to daft or disagreeable behaviour or any individual as “retarded.” In my job as a Support Worker, I am happy to hear that the community all around support and the individual have stopped using that word except when clinically describing clinical aspects of mental retardation without the client present. But I still hear tons of upsetting usage of this word. I could tell you all about experiences I have had with my own clients and how language can affect them, but I will instead urge you to read THIS open letter from an amazing man with Down’s Syndrome to SUPERASSHOLE Ann Coulter after she described President Obama as a “retard” after Romney beat him in the first debate. Please read it. Ms. Coulter gets owned. 
  3. SLUT SHAMING: Honestly, friends, who cares. I’ve had sexual partners. Likely you have as well. If a lady has a healthy sexuality, or is downright horny, can you tell me how this differs from you? Have you never had desire, or felt physical urges? Maybe YOU’RE the weirdo. People go out, meet, and they have sex. You’ve tried to, or have, or will. Almost all of you. So shut up. Who cares. People not “giving any fucks” because Amanda Todd had been sexually active, people judging women interested in sexuality as sluts, painting queer/bisexual/pansexual women as “chicks who’d fuck anything,” - it’s all so wooden, and old. We are sexual beings. Some of us more than others. Stop being jealous and go responsibly get yours, or whatever you want. AND. I have no alternative language suggestions here. Stop commenting on it or even making it a thing unless you are willing to have your sexual ethics examined as well. Who even cares what anybody does with their genitals anyway. None of your business. READ A POETIC RANT ABOUT IT INSTEAD.

Tomorrow, the largest chunk with all sorts of miscellany. It will be heavy at the beginning, light as all get up toward the end. Today is just to remind us all to stop trolling and start living in the real world. Inject kindness!


David

HITS and SHITS, part 2!

Hey there, David Isbister here. Every year’s end, I put together a bunch of things that inspired me, repulsed me, caused me to smile, or aggravated me. I call it THE HITS AND SHITS LIST. Hits are good. Shits are bad. Wherever possible, I will include links to further reading and vids so you can check it for yourself. This year’s is lengthy, so I shall present it to you in healthy chunks that are easy to chew. With your mind. MIND CHEW. Once all of the CHUNKS have been MIND CHEWED, I’ll put the entire giant list up, so your MIND can CHEW it in a new context. Now that you are familiar with the premise, here is today’s CHUNK:



HIT!! HIT!! HIT!! 
MERCY FOR ANIMALS
, and their expose of Canadian pork industries. It goes without saying that I would rather there was never any reason to investigate or secretly record the pork industry, ( or perhaps the fantasy that it not exist at all) so really this HIT is in response to a whole lot of SHIT. 

A huge hit; deserving of much commendation to Mercy For Animals for their dedicated and tireless efforts in obtaining footage of the pork industry in Canada. How this highly subsidized and non-sustainable industry operates in Canada should be of strong public interest, and this proved that the industry’s archaic guidelines allow for systemic cruelty and lowered standards of safety. Credit is also due to CTV’s W5 for airing an adequately comprehensive account of this abuse and standing behind the footage. 

Originally, the pork industry issued statements agreeing that the video depicts “standard practices and procedures that are within acceptable limits of the law.” This statement was in direct reference to the body slamming of piglets to “humanely euthanize” them, (left “humanely” to twitch and die slowly on the floor, or heaped into a shopping cart of other dead and dying piglets), the practice of castrating male piglets without any pain relief or precautions past restraining the animal, and the the use of farrowing crates which have been recognized in the UK and most of Europe as unnecessary, cruel, and posing health risks to animal and human. Now other pork boards like that of Ontario have been forced to take a stance that seems cautiously in favour of improved methods, or at least flowering up the language to dodge the heat. Other regulatory bodies like provincial veterinary councils are involved in reviewing and investigating, and even if some changes occur, they will likely not address the true costs of subsidizing this industry to seem even break with today’s feed prices and consumer desires. Ten pounds of plant based feed is necessary to produce just one pound of pork… Is that sustainable? Is the way we treat domestic barn animals ok? Watch and see what you think. But a warning - it’s real, graphic, and intense. 

view the footage here

…shit… shit… shit…

THE GREATER VANCOUVER ZOO. I have been constantly vocal about my opposition to this piece of crap tourist trap. This year, I am ESPECIALLY incensed with them because of the THREE DEAD GIRAFFES IN ONE YEAR. But the zoo has long been a tumultuous and controversy-addled facility. Their arrogant keeping of desert species in a northern climate through warnings to stop for the sake of the animals, their stubborn rejection that they are ever to blame for these happenings- it makes me ill.  Instead of babbling on here, please read my timeline of (Aldergrove) zoo incidents I have unhappily compiled over the years, and BOYCOTT THE ZOO. 

https://www.facebook.com/notes/david-isbister/a-history-of-the-aldergrove-game-farmgreater-vancouver-zoo-and-why-it-is-a-terri/10151305816663760

(and the Vancouver Aquarium too.) 

Various Music, TV,  Mainstream Media
(Local music mentions, and News/Election media in the next installment)

HIT!! HIT!! HIT!! 
MUSE,
The Second Law: I am slightly cautious in calling this record a hit. A fair departure for the band, the record still showcases many of the elements Muse fans would be familiar with, but newer elements and nods to other modern influences punctuate this record with colour. Certain moments are a bit over the top, a bit awkward in a way, but it seems like  Matthew Bellamy and company are still glorious, gifted musicians, but making some initial attempts at moving away from their bread and butter sound, and seeking some new territory. 

GOTYE, Bronte: We all know the ubiquitous hit “Somebody I Used to Know,” but Gotye’s song about his dog is touching, bittersweet, and beautiful. This is the track in my opinion that is the true gem, with a super cute video. CHECK IT OUT.

OTHER AWESOME MUSIC IN 2012: 

Serj Tankian, Harakiri. 

Fiona Apple,  The Idler Wheel…

Beach Boys, That’s Why God Made the Radio

Dwight Yoakam, A Heart Like Mine 

Marilyn Manson, No Reflection (and don’t hate. He has brought back much of the delivery and feel of Mechanical Animals, and much of the record hearkens to Antichrist Superstar as well. Lots of the “star making” sound from his early days. If you like that, you’ll like this record.)

THE JEFF PROBST SHOW: I am not one for daytime TV (even though fiery judge Marilyn Milian has made an appearance in the HITS section in a previous year) but I just can’t help liking Jeff Probst’s show. His chipper doofiness mixed with his ability to ask what the average person is thinking makes his show a decent view, even though some of the subject matter seems to be reaching as he struggles as a newcomer to attract bigger name guests and find hot button topics. His “Guys on the Couch” segment, and his “Ambush Adventure” challenges show a direction and thoughtfulness not present in the usual drivel of Daytime TV. To be balanced, a few of his shows have been awful, with Jeff meandering through unfamiliar subject matter. These moments always are tempered by his forced smile and deferral to his wife who works on the show. And can I be honest? There are always cut shots to women in the studio audience who are FEROCIOUS HOT. Handsome fellas too! Check it out. If you like him on Survivor, you’ll like his take on the everyman interviewer.

OTHER TV HITS: Whale Wars, American Pickers, The Voice.

GUILTY PLEASURE: American Restorations, Storage Wars

…shit… shit… shit… 

HONEY BOO BOO. When Jersey Shore and its stupid monoliths of douchebaggery shuffled from the airwaves, many of us must have breathed a collective sigh of relief, thinking that we’d stop hearing about stupid incessant bullshit that had no bearing, importance, or relevance to any REAL THING AT ALL. Sadly, a pint sized child beauty pageant contestant would come and prove us all capable of really so much less. 

There are many reasons why this show is TOTAL SHIT. First, lavishing fame and an abundance of attention on a child that rewards and glorifies her mother’s obviously terrible choices shows more of the tragic, desperate, clamourous, and self-obsession we aspire to reach repeatedly in North America. Fame is valued even over an unhealthy child’s life. She has hilarious catch phrases, so it’s okay to be voyeurs in her inevitable journey to a troubled adulthood. Right? She is trashy, seems to be from a less educated background, and is alarmingly naive. This is a reason to watch in captivated horror as we all collectively feel better about our own plight. Right? 

ALL OF THESE ARE ALSO TV SHITS: Swamp Hunters, Duck Dynasty, Hog Hunters, and all of the other shows featuring lowlife idiots killing or hunting something and scripting the most inane, intelligence insulting crap they can dredge up.

MUSIC: Other than MOST OF ALL MUSIC, haha- I was disappointed with the new Ben Folds Five record, especially since it had been so painfully long. The record sounded like them, somewhat, and had plenty of nerdy cool moments, but seemed to lack the indie tooth it used to bite with. 

**********

Part 3 tomorrow! Happy New Year!


HITS and SH*TS, part one! by David Isbister.

Hey there, David Isbister here. Every year’s end, I put together a bunch of things that inspired me, repulsed me, caused me to smile, or aggravated me. I call it THE HITS AND SHITS LIST. Hits are good. Shits are bad. Wherever possible, I will include links to further reading and vids so you can check it for yourself. This year’s is lengthy, so I shall present it to you in healthy chunks that are easy to chew. With your mind. MIND CHEW. Once all of the CHUNKS have been MIND CHEWED, I’ll put the entire giant list up, so your MIND can CHEW it in a new context. Now that you are familiar with the premise, here is today’s CHUNK- nice and easy reading to start:

HIT!! HIT!! HIT!!

NHL LOCKOUT. Now before you go lambasting me, read both sides of my feelings on this. This year, since summer, I have been quite productive, putting together music projects and merch stuff for Season To Attack, cooking secret suppers, pickling, canning, preserving foods, making soap, and keeping ahead of my convenience and consumer cravings with good hard work at home. Thanks kindly to the NHL not playing and having no progress in coming to an agreement, I have slowly become less focussed on the soap opera on ice, and replaced the obsession and focus I have had for the Canucks for so many years with other things that actually end up being more rewarding and more productive. It’s too bad, because without this lockout, I would have never even attempted to get even more busy than I was. I would have never even known if these fellas could just find a way to PLAY A GAME FOR A DAMN LIVING.

…shit… shit… shit…

NHL LOCKOUT. Seriously guys. You’re killing me. Bettman is a snivelling, stubborn little troll of a man, Fehr just wants to stick it to them and can’t see past RAGE,   and I can’t understand what the point of grinding and grinding over a few percent is. These guys all have been enamoured with the sport somehow (I hope) and that is the awesome thing here- they are all working in sports whether playing or on the business side. 

To the players- this is what many of the fans are pleading:   I have watched you all my life, living in a land where your sport is an honoured cultural tradition. I have spoke the name of Captain Kirk, Trevor Linden, The Great One, and so many other colorful others at the same time I spoke of heroes. This is bullshit. You are making millions, and I know the natural argument is that you worked all your life to get there, but remember the journey. Gretzky, Lemieux, Yzerman, Linden- they all built great wealth and recieved so many oppurtunities to continue to display their love for winning and hockey after they were done playing. But nothing quite beats their playing days, they seem to say. Not only is there no money to make if you aren’t playing- there are no accomplishments up for grabs to display your love of hockey, your competive nature, and hell- your superiority that you know you want to blow people’s minds with. You need us, we need you, but it seems like both of us can live without each other if we have to. If that becomes a proven habit, it only will hurt you. We’ll find something else. Play for glory, for pride, for passion, for country, for friendship and the team first with a focus on money perhaps as an important penultimate reason. You are wasting a gift, losing your way as passionate athletes, and alienating the very and only people who support your grand aspirations and imbue them with any relevance.

 

PLAY HOCKEY. I’m up to ears in music, preserved food, soap and rad band merch, and whatever else is going on in my life. I could use a distraction and I have support to give after all this accomplishment I’ve had, in part to forget you. HAHA!

HIT!! HIT!! HIT!!

ANCHORMAN, STAR TREK: I nearly died of pants-shitting when I saw Ron Burgundy himself on Conan announce that the legend would continue. Anchorman’s sequel featuring the entire returning cast is going to be released on December 20th, 2013, and I am pretty sure I am going to sleep overnight at a theatre shouting, “Maybe don’t wear a bra next time..” at anyone I see. And then see the movie. A few times. So yeah. Safe to say I am pretty stoked. Check this for a lark!

In the interest of looking less like a giant, lame nerd, I put Star Trek second. Even as I type this, my fingers tremble as they seek to regain their liberation from this enforced composure I am applying to them- HOLY F*CK I AM SO STOKED TO SEE THE NEW MOVIE HOLLLLY FUUUUUUUUU- sorry, sorry. Lost it there for a second. You’d really think I’d just go back and delete that. So sure- I’d say the new Star Trek looks pretty rad. Click and totally squeal and pee and die inside and thrash all around on the floor with anticipation if you want. Not that I did. I know some of you are like that. Not me though, so…

…shit… shit… shit…

NINJA TURTLES:  I heard about the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Then I heard it was going to be changed up- the blessed quatro (or double duo, if in reference to the arcade classic :D) - are now portrayed as SPACE ALIENS. Given that I don’t like things that make NO SENSE AT ALL, I put it on the shit list. No links for you too look at. That’s it. Just…no. Just no. Hashtag eff that. Right kids?


******

A very sincere HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all from all of us in Season To Attack. Part 2 is coming first thing next year! some of this is going to be more intense than today’s portion, but it’s party time, so go live your life. You can show us How To Burn One Night!

David.


CREAMY. SPICY. SAVOURY. Dip trio, suckas! (vegan recipe)

Pictured here: Olive tapenade, Creamy Cauliflower, Spinach and Mozza Dip, and fiery sweet enhancing sauce. See previous recipe for olive tapenade. Served with dehydrated smoked carrot crackers, blue and red corn tortilla chips, and raw kohlrabi triangles.

Creamy Cauliflower Spinach and Mozza Dip:

(serves 4-6)

You’ll need:

2 tbsp olive oil

1 Medium white or yellow onion, diced small

2 large cloves of finely grated garlic

1/4 cup each of fresh basil and dill, minced

1 tbsp of fresh rosemary

1/2 tsp celery seed

1 tsp onion powder

1 tsp dried oregano

1/2 tsp sage

fresh cracked pepper to taste

1 tbsp tamari

1 tsp lemon zest, lemon juice set aside.

2 tbsp tahini

1.5 - 2 cups frozen or lightly steamed spinach

Head of Cauliflower, boiled and mashed

8 ounces of Daiya mozzarella style cheese (1 bag)

1/2 cup original veganaise

1/4 - 1/2 cup of coconut or cashew cream

salt to taste, if necessary

SO. Take the oil, and start a medium sauce pan on medium heat. Saute the onions with the celery seed until soft on the edges and nearly clear right through the center. Once nearing fully cooked, add the garlic, herbs, and dry spices. Don’t cry, pansies, it’s just some onions. Once the onions saute together with the spices and thicken, add the lemon juice, tamari, and spinach. This is going to already taste like the tip of the sweetest dong you ever…sampled? - but! There’s a bit more to do to coax the flavour further out of this raging dip dong. Wow, I am really running on that premise there.

 On low heat, stir in the mayo and cheese until the cheese melts and everything blends together nicely. Add coconut or cashew cream to deepen the creaminess and salt to taste until it looks like a good dip-like consistency, like a thick pea soup. I don’t know what viscosity you like your dip, ok? Just figure it out, clown puncher. Serve warm with tortilla chips or in a sourdough bowl. Or nude, freshly waxed abdomen. However you like it.  NEXT!

Sweet and Fiery Like a Total Hottie Sauce

serves 4-6 

Mix together the following:

1 ounce chilli paste, or even a commercial hot sauce

3 ounces agave nectar

1/2 inch of fresh grated ginger

pinch of chilli flakes

1tbsp of grated carrot

1 small clove of garlic, minced

pinch of orange or grapefruit zest

1 tsp black sesame seeds

salt/pepper to taste

Tell everyone to use this super sparingly- as this is just to accent the flavours and add pleasant and tasty heat, just like I get from your momma who is so fine. Just mix it together and serve in a small dish.

Adages

Linger with me here for just a little
While away the time
Is on our side
by side

Connected in the mind
Over matters
Not and is all in all
Who sees
The glass as half empty
hearts and souls

In all honesty
Is the best policy when
You’re sliding, the whole word slides with you
Forever and always
remember 

To stop and smell the war of the roses

When there is no such thing as cannot
See the forest through the trees

trees, trees - shade, shade
Linger here with me for just a little
while away the time. 

A Modern Usage of Commodity

A Modern Usage of a Commodity

If you are gorgeous

If you are pretty

If we turn to look at how shapely you are,

Then you will be corrupted if you are porous.

You cannot trust all of those who feel they must jilt you

If you are lithe and cute, then they have to have you

Like a song on the radio they can’t get enough of

Until you are overplayed, you are turned off, and you grow cold.

Any warmth in comparison

Only leaves you scared of being burnt.

If you are a youthful god-

If you resonate the longing of despair and jealousy

Then the chances are that someone waits sorrowfully in silence

Who’s loved you all along and has to watch you

Slowly fade as you become progressively more frightened

Of being beautiful.

When She Sleeps Beneath The Night, I Cannot.

My body creaks and whispers her name in the disjointed slumber 

That I fight to satiate the need for- 

Stillness she carries in the small strong touch

Of her lithe frame nestled lightly in brass light, folded into dark sheets next to me

I fight to grasp her like she is sleep - so welcome and so fleeting 

Smoke through fingers, a caressing warmth

Or a zealot worshipping at the pristine feet of a spark-eyed woman

Her name is still the utterance on the tip of my tongues.

My arms to constrict the wild beating of her heart

Are tangled through her limbs as our veins form a living trellis

As I pray to a meandering deity that she can feel the blasting pressure 

Of my desire to tell her that her body is not enough, I have to treat her rough

That she kills me and resuscitates me with her gasps

That her confusion and wonder at me is not from a broken fragility

But instead is accidentally wrought of our original reluctance

To say she moved when I moved and we moved each other

Is too bold for words that destroy us  and yet we fear one another

So oddly and so compellingly

My body begs me to speak her name and materialize her from vapour

So that silken smoke in licks and curls 

With the unknowing matters of urgency from boys and girls

Could be exhaled through the cool night air 

Past the living trellis of our limbs and bones and veins and heavy sighs and worry

That I fight to satiate the need for


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