You’ll need:

I medium eggplant, firm and uniformly purple, sliced into 1/4 inch discs.

marinara sauce ( add a dash of ketchup for a bit of sweetness!)

1 cup daiya mozzarella style vegan cheese

spinach, arugula or mixed greens

Kaiser Buns or Foccaccia bread

grapeseed or olive oil for pan frying

1/2 green and 1/2 yellow bell pepper, sliced into thin strips

1/2 large white onion, sliced into thin strips

1 1/2 cups of sliced white or brown mushrooms

1 tsp tamari

salt/pepper to taste

dash of liquid smoke (optional)

splash of balsamic vinegar

pinch of rosemary, dill

tsp of sweetener- sugar/agave/maple syrup, etc

pinch of turmeric for colour and health

olive oil

Breading:

2 cups flour 

1 tsp salt

1 tsp onion powder

1/2 tsp pepper

1/2 tsp paprika

1/2 tsp ground oregano

1/2 tsp ground thyme

1/2 tsp ground ginger

1 cup of rice milk in a small bowl, set aside.

First, preheat your oven to 450 degrees so it matches your hot self. Next, make the sauteed veggies, you lazy sucker. In a medium hot skillet, sautee the onions and peppers together in a bit of olive oil with rosemary, and dill, with salt and pepper to taste. When the onions are starting to become a hint soft and translucent, add the smoke, dash of tamari, vinegar, turmeric, and sweetener. Reduce the vegetables in this mixture until onions are clear and mushrooms are soft and tender, like your momma was last night. Set this aside, because this is so fucking tasty you are gonna want to bang this up yourself, and you gotta take a minute to make yucky eggplant taste like enchanted, crispy mouth porn.

Prepare the breading. Mix the flour and spices together with a whisk, and don’t be gentle. That’s some naughty breading. For a crispier batter, add a tsp of taro, potato, or corn starch.  Once mixed well, preheat a large pan on medium high heat with grapeseed oil covering the bottom. As the oil heats up, dip the eggplant discs into the rice milk, and drop them into the flour mixture, enveloping them in a savoury jacket of delicious before marching them to their oily 

death. A helpful tip when breading- always use one hand for handling the dry breading, and the other for dipping it back in the milk. Once coated once, gently dip it back to the milk and drop back into the flour, until well coated, usually three coats. Do 6-12 discs at a time and fry immediately, flipping after 1- 2 mins to brown both sides.  Switch oil after two batches for best taste. When all the discs are fried to a crispy golden brown, put aside and get ready to assemble and broil the sandwiches! Safety tip: don’t dip your penis or clitoris into hot oil. Contrary to common belief, the genitals don’t recover well from oil scalding. Plus, that may draw into question the vegan nature of this dish.

On a lightly toasted Bun or bread, put a generous portion of the cooked sauteed veg, topped with 4-6 crispy eggplant discs. Pour marinara over the other side, and add a bit on top of the discs. sprinkle the saucy little sandwich with Daiya Cheese, and repeat to make four to 6 sandwiches. Bake open faced under the broiler until the cheese is melted and the bun is browned. Remove from oven, and add a handful of cool fresh greens, and mash that fucker closed. Get a napkin, because this sandwich will not go without a deliciously saucy fight. 

Let me know what you think!